Saturday, September 02, 2006

A Conversation with Trevor

Trevor, my realtor, told me the county inspector would be visiting and that he might be picky or he might be chill. “Really,” he said, “it could go either way.”

“How?” I asked, “How could it go either way? Is the inspector going to ignore the shed, the coop, the treehouse, the outhouse, the cabins, all without county permits, the 220 and 110 volt electrical cords strung across the creek, and the two barrels of chemicals in the yard?”

“Sometimes inspectors look the other way and normally you wouldn't want that,” he said, beginning one of his realtor-to-layman explanations, “because the point of the inspection is to make sure you’re buying legal property. But we want the inspector to ignore problems because by the time the problems get fixed the sell date will have passed and we’ll have to file again. That will be more money."

“Let me get this straight: even though the inspector is looking out for us, we want him to ignore the jerry-rigged powerline that could at any moment fall in the creek and electrocute legions of salmon and small congregations of swimming neighbor children so we can save a couple bucks?”

“Exactly. It'll be cheaper for us to fix stuff on our own. Don’t worry ‘bout it. Richard, the realtor on the seller’s end, has been working to make everything up-to-snuff out there. He already sawed off the extra rooom to make the trailer appear mobile for the county."

“Wait, he sawed off the room on purpose? But kept it connected with staples and tarps to make it look mobile, even though it hasn’t moved since 1985? That doesn't make any sense. If you see that inspector tell him I don't believe in meaningless rules and that I'm more interested in reality than image."

"But then he'll want to investigate."

"That's okay. While he's investigating he can help me unwind the tree roots from the plumbing and hook the trailer up to my car and I'll drive it down the street with tarps flapping behind me in the wind, you know, to demonstrate its mobility."

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