Monday, August 14, 2006

My Chocolate-Covered Loan

Asked my older brother for money today after I found out he’s rich. Somehow he made a quarter of a million dollars last year renting chocolate fountains out of the basement of an abandoned church. In fact, he made so much that he’s going to turn the Church of Chocolate into a daycare and move his business to a warehouse in Tacoma. The down payment for the place is as much as the total cost for my six acres of paradise.

And I can’t even afford the down payment for that.

Maybe instead of teaching and trying to enrich the imaginations of my students by cultivating a love for the life of the mind, I should cater to the base fantasies of brides and wedding planners, for whom, I guess, the image of metallic tiers flowing with melted chocolate activates some kind of subconscious archetype, like that of a dove, or a banana. I mean, these women are obviously not in control of their money, and I deserve it just as much as my brother. They fantasize than an entrepreneurial chocolatier will baptize their event in holy chocolate, and they will pay anything.

My brother obliges. And he makes bank.

So I asked him for a couple grand and told him he should take me out to lunch. Somewhere nice. And I urged him to reconsider the daycare idea, given that the place is next to a freeway offramp. He ignored the last comment but did write me a check a little later at Taco Bell, where he and I both ordered whatever the hell we wanted.


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